I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
