We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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