Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
