life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
