i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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