I think my vagina is haunted
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm both gender and math confused
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
