i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
