if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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