So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His nipple licking is glorious
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
