I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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