I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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