If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
