Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
