She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
