why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
