So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
