There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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