I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
