Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
