His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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