i need an iv and a liver transplant
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
