babies were throwing up all over the place
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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