so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
