last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
