Kiss
Puke
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
