I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
