i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
