The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
