Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
