Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
