he shaved USA in his pubs
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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