Pants 0. Shit 1.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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