Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You're so nebulous sometimes
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
