I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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