Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
