i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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