Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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