You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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