Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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