why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
