she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
