I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
