I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
