Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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