I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
