Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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