had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
