Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
