dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
