i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
